Sometimes I Just Need to Hear Myself Talk

…or type. Whatever.

My surgery is drawing closer – pre op is in five days– and I have very limited information on what to expect. This isn’t my doctor’s fault at all. He offered to tell me about it time and time again, but I thought that by keeping myself in the dark, it would never happen and I’d wake up one morning pain-free. Yeah, that didn’t happen and now I’m kicking myself a little bit.

Regardless, I have 100% full faith and trust in my doctor. Maybe I’m a little crazy just blindly trusting someone to slice open my body, but I’ve always liked him and felt confident in his work.

Anyway, I’m done whining.

So the hubs and I have been in our house for almost seven months now – holy god, where did the time go???! We have yet to do any decorating and it’s getting to the point of being ridiculous. We literally have two pictures hung (one is an amazing painting done by a very close friend, the other is a series of three wedding photos that my sister framed for us) and I haven’t put any thought at all what I want to do with the rest of the house. Until this weekend when the close painter friend brought it up (okay, he said that our house was really boring and I needed to work on that. True – harsh, but true...and FWIW, he said it with love).

So this is my idea. Please note that I am not an artist and this is not to scale. Also, the big squares are windows (which actually have white, wood blinds on them) and the little squares are pictures that I have yet to find. They are supposed to be the same size, similar in design and hanging in a straight line (although I’m not sure how many I’d actually need). There is also an armchair in the corner and we’re considering buying a couple of black leather ottomans to put under the window (or one big, long one…can you see how indecisive I am?).

So. That is what I want, in a nutshell. But it’s nearly impossible to find it because although I don’t know specifically what I want, I DEFINITELY know that I DON’T want anything that I’ve seen so far. It needs to be a little funky, but not completely out there. And they all need to tie together nicely and to be obvious that they’re related, but not matchy-matchy. Oh, and brightly colored too. Or maybe black and white photographs.

So, yeah. If you can find what I’m looking for, you get a gold star.

What’s that saying? If you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself?

I’ve always wanted to be a photographer. My mom is a photographer and I grew up in her darkroom. I started to take classes when I was in college, but once I was informed that I’m not creative (not exactly a lie), I dropped it. Hence, I am now an accountant who has spent the past several months feeling lost and unhappy with where I am in life. Don’t get me wrong, I really like my job and I work with a great group of people. While I’m not sure that Beancounter is the right title for me forever, it is definitely where I should be right now.

But still…I’ve felt this disappointment in myself lately. I need a hobby. So here I am, with the 35mm camera I got when I started college and a roll of film, hoping desperately that I can somehow take the jumbled, disorganized ideas in my head and create something that I want to look at for at least the next couple of years.

And yes, you read that right. A 35mm camera and a roll of film. I’ve gone through two point-and-shoot digital cameras over the past five-ish years, the last of which died a horrific death on Halloween night, so I’m currently camera-less. I need a new point-and-shoot, but don’t have the cash to spend on it. And I really, really, really want a DSLR, which I definitely can’t afford right now. So, here goes nothing. An uncreative chick with a camera, undefined ideas and a roll (or six) of film. I feel better already.

New Beginnings

This is certainly the time of year for new beginnings and I intend to have a few myself.

I have been in a funk. A deep, deep funk. I'm not sure that anything is really wrong with me, but I sure as hell have not been myself. I've had a very full past three years...mostly more good than bad, but still...very full. I got married and changed jobs in 2007, only to change jobs again in February of 2008. In fact, I started my new job the same day that my very first running program began, thus 2008 is now known as The Year of the Marathon. I ran the Denver Marathon only 9 months after that first, scary running group meeting. Since then I've fallen into injury after injury...knees, hamstrings, hips, then my foot. I pushed through plantar fasciitis so I could run the NYC Maraton in November 2009. Really, come on. You don't get into NYC on your first try and then NOT run it. I think that was the beginning of the end. I just didn't enjoy running anymore. It felt like a chore to just put my shoes on every time, and a lot of times, I'd get dressed only to end up sitting on the couch and feeling like a failure. When I signed up for Chicago in early 2010, I felt like it was something I needed to do. I'd run a marathon each year for the past two. What kind of a loser would just stop?

Well. Me.

Yes, there were other issues (like my foot being ready to fall off) but at the very base of it, I just didn't feel like it. I've run off and on since July, but nothing serious. Everytime I'd start to miss it, my foot would act up and I'd lay off for a while more. I think I've had enough...and I use "think" because while I've definitely had it up to here with this pain, I'm still not sure what I'm going to do once it's all fixed. But, regardless of where the future takes me, I've decided that getting this issue fixed is my top priority right now, so on January 21, my podiatrist will perform plantar fasciitis surgery on my right foot.

I'm excited to have something that is more likely to work (trust me, I've done it all), but at the same time, this is kind of a big, scary step and I'm hopeful that I'm one of the many that don't have any issues going forward.

So, I guess all I can do at this point is sit back and see where things go from here.

So.

I pretty much suck at this whole blogging thing. And I really, really suck at this whole fitness thing. Granted, I'm about ready to amputate my foot - just walking around all day on Saturday was enough to make it hurt enough to produce tears every time I took a step on Sunday - but it's not like I've really been doing anything in the meantime. The Duke City HM is completely out...I could do the 5k if I want, but I'm not sure I do. Sure, I'm disappointed in myself, but I'd be a big, fat liar if I said that I haven't enjoyed some of the time off. But speaking of, I will be big and fat(ter) before too long if I don't get back into things soon here.

But while I'm trying to do that, I've decided that this blog needs some life, so all of you who read this (who could be no one at all for all I know) will now get a close glimpse into my life. I'm - by far - not an interesting person, but I don't want this thing to die off. I also don't want it to turn into a "woe is me" thing either. And considering I haven't done much running lately, I really don't have anything to say about that.

Really, I'm a little shocked at myself. I worked so hard a couple of years ago to get myself to Denver and then it all just slowly unraveled. I go back to the podiatrist next Tuesday, so hopefully he'll have some good news for me and that can get me going again.

Ok, now I'll step away from the "woe is me" thing. For real.

For those of you who have stuck around, thank you. I have a lot to work out and it's nice to know that some of you are still there. Lets hope this can get going again.

Week 1 - Complete

Well, it kinda bled into Week 2, but I'm actually on track to make it to the Duke City Half next month. The next two weeks will be completely insane...I have some training for work from Sept 13-16, but I'm flying in on Saturday afternoon and leaving Friday afternoon. Come on, I'm not going all the way to Orlando without make a stop at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. :)

So I'll get home from Orlando on Friday night, go to a concert here on Saturday night (Zac Brown Band) and then fly out on Sunday night to Dallas. Thankfully, I'm only going to be in Dallas for 3 days and my time there always goes so fast. Unfortunately, my Dallas trip is only one in a sequence of them. I'm assigned on a project out there till mid-November, and while I enjoy my co-workers in that office and the change of scenery, it will wreck havoc on my training.

At least I have something planned for now. Now it's just a matter of actually registering and keeping up with the training. Oh, and buying a new pair of shoes. :)

A Man With a Plan

Ok, so I'm not a man, but I do have a plan...and it's about damn time.

I'm going to run the Duke City Half Marathon. It's not ideal and I've been avoiding this (local) race for the past couple of years for a few different reasons (can you say "disorganized"?) but I need some kind of a goal besides seeing how many times in a day I can run to the fridge from the couch. So I have about 7 weeks and am starting out on Saturday at 4 miles. I know I can do this, but I need to commit 100% to it.

And this probably means skipping out on the Albuquerque Beer Festival the day before. FML.

Break Time = Done

Ok, I'm going to admit it. I haven't run in about a month. I have no excuse besides the fact that I enjoy sleeping, so I did a lot of that. I don't miss getting up at 4AM every Saturday just so I'll have enough time to eat without having to worry about puking on my double digit run. I don't miss spending hours of my weekend on hot, hilly roads. But this past week I realized that I did miss being active and actually moving around. So even though I skipped out on my circuit class at the gym tonight (PS, I also took about 3 weeks off from that...last week I went twice though) I figured I was already dressed, it was overcast, breezy and not 95 degrees....so I went for a run.

Just a small run. A 2 mile run. That was uphill both ways (ok, only a little uphill on the way out but a huge, long, steep uphill on the way back). It sucked and it was slow, but I only walked a total of three times, a minute each time.

And now I'm sitting on the couch, all stinky and gross, and I feel fabulous.

Maybe - MAYBE - I'll get up and do this again in the morning. Or maybe I'll sleep in.

Hard decisions

I've decided to drop out of the Chicago Marathon. Just saying it out loud makes me sick to my stomach. I'm in a really weird place over it. I want to do it...running a marathon is indescribable and I've enjoyed every second of my hours upon hours of the two I've done. After running NYC last year, I was so looking forward to doing Chicago. Plus, I have an amazing friend who lives out there that I haven't seen in a really long time and another friend was going to be there the same weekend. But between an injury for the hubs (although he's feeling better now) and my PF acting up on a daily basis, plus a new house (with a new mortgage to go along with it) it's just hard to justify.

And what's probably the most important reason to skip it...

I'm just not that into it.

I feel so guilty for even thinking that way, but really...I just don't wanna. I've pushed through two marathons with other big life events going on in the background (CPA exam, job changes, etc) and now that things are calming down a bit I just want to sit. Well, maybe not "sit" (but that sounds really good too...) but go without a focus. I'm in decent half marathon shape right now and there are a couple of those coming up over the next couple of months. Maybe I'll do those. Or maybe I won't. Maybe I'll get up and run 6 miles on Friday...or maybe I'll make it 4 and decide that I'm done for the weekend...or maybe I'll get to the 6 and decide to keep going (unlikely).

So it looks like 2010 is shaping up to be a pretty interesting year. I'm curious, and a little nervous to see where I end up, at least fitness-wise.

Also, I know this is totally unrelated, but I wanted to send out a quick congrats and "I love you" to my sister, Hope...she's marrying an amazing man on Saturday! Pictures to come!