Neglect

I've been letting a lot of things go lately...I'm not sure it's necessarily a bad thing, just different. Firstly, I haven't written in a while, but it's not like that's new. There just hasn't been much to say. But really, I haven't been running much. It took me a long time to wrap my mind around it and to be okay with it (and I'm not really sure I'm "okay" with it yet), but I think I'm burnt out. For anyone who's been reading my ramblings since Day 1 - or for those of you who's known me this whole journey - it's not unusual for me go through phases where "I love this!" or "I hate this!" with running. I'm not loving OR hating it right now. I just don't wanna. And when I don't wanna, I won't. I'm all about good intentions, and every weekend I'll have something planned out, but the majority of the time something better pops up (shopping, cleaning, movies...yes, you really did read "cleaning" in there). I thought for sure that after I finished my exam I'd jump wholeheartedly into running, but nope, it didn't happen. Instead, I just want a break.

I think I need something new. I still plan to run Chicago in October, so as much as I'd love spend the next decade sitting on the couch, I can't. I want to really investigate this bikram yoga thing, so I think I'm going to go that direction. And like I said, Chicago is still on the calendar, so I can't stop running altogether...I'm going to send out a couple of emails after I'm done rambling here to see what I can do to keep moving without wanting to cry at the mere thought of it.

I feel better though, coming to this conclusion. I didn't do it alone...it came through the words of one of my greatest friends. As usual, she (and everyone else) had asked me if I was meeting up to run on Saturday morning and I finally just told her everything I'd been thinking. And all she said was "It's okay." And you know what? It really is. All the pressure to go go go go go went away...and just because everyone else is doing it, I don't have to.

And now that the pressure is gone, I was able to go out and do a 3 mile run this morning. Without a watch. Completely pressure-free.